JASMINE♥

i hate this part..

2011-10-25T03:21:00.005+08:00

I'm completely overwhelmed by all my thoughts and doubts...

I've no idea what I want right now.

I've been really bothered lately, about life and my relationship. Sometimes, it's so bad that I let my mood take over me.. I might have already hurt my dearest not just once. All those thoughts flood me with nothing but pain, insomnia and tears. So much happened lately. I told someone that I once wanted to be married to my dearest.. However, after all that had happened, I'm having doubts to my statement. Though he never once said that he's utterly disappointed with me, I know he is. My lack of confidence, pessimistic mindset, along with the truth, keeps bringing me down.

I know he truly loves me. I'm aware of how well he had been treating me with tender, love and care. But I just can't help it. I'm extremely exhausted. With long working hours, unhappiness at work and disputes with family, I've no idea how long more, can i withstand these. Frankly speaking, I thought of nothing but just running away from reality. I ever thought of holding 2jobs, just wear myself out and be too tired to bother about anything. I ever thought of running away from my family, from Singapore. I don't know what lies ahead of me.. Looking at my current situation, I'm fully aware that I'm not going anywhere far. Having not much education, relying on my family and boyfriend, I can never survive for the long run... Sometimes, I think I'm better off dead than to live on and be a burden for my love ones.

I've made my boyfriend, someone who doesn't cry easily, cried more than once, for me.

That isn't something to be proud of...

I know that I'm not the best for him, be it age, physically or mentally. I wish, for once he'll take me seriously when i ask if he knows that I'm not the best for him and that we're not that compatible. I knew the answers to my questions right from the start. However, I was naive. I thought I will and able to change, to be a better person, to be good enough for him and even his ideal partner.

I was wrong.. I became worst and I'm aware I'm not like how I was when I just got together with him.

I gave him enough troubles and pain. He doesn't deserve these. He came all the way here to earn more for a living, to lead a better life and not tolerating someone like me.

If he ever, decide to leave me after reading this, I'll respect his decision.

I just wish to tell him..
"I'VE LOVED YOU, I STILL AM AND WILL ALWAYS, LOVE YOU"

the heart does things for reasons that reason cannot understand.. ♥

2011-08-23T04:21:00.003+08:00

2days without my dearest was hell..

Boyfriend left for malaysia on the 20th. As I knew that we won't be able to contact during his stay there, i decided to meet him after work just to send him home, before his trip. I felt really guilty as he waited for an hour or so, just for me to knock off. He had a long and tiring day at work, had to do staging. Instead of going straight home to rest, he stayed till 5:30am just for me to knock off.

You've no idea how bad I felt that night..

Things got worst after he left.. I missed him dearly. I missed him so bad that I had no mood for work. Everyone thought i was sick and tired. Some was asking why do I look bored, some thought i was rather pale. True enough, I was unwell that night. I was shivering for hours at work. Later that night, while I was on my way home, I was followed. I was so worried that the same thing would happen to me again.. The very first person that came up my mind was Pin♥, however, he wasn't in town.. I had no choice but to call someone else.

Just 2days and I couldn't stand it.. I can never imagine one day, he decide to go back to his hometown for a month. Let's not talk about a month, give me a week, I'll prolly start packing my bag and run to his hometown just to catch a glimpse of him.

Had a pleasant surprise from my baby boy on Sunday night though! He came back to town one day earlier. Once he reached Singapore, he gave me a call. I thought he was home and ready for bed. To my surprise, he was at my house downstairs, waiting for the moment, to tell me to go down. *thoughts; How sweet can he be?? :)*

No words can explain how much I love this boy, how I feel for him.. No one had ever treat me like how he does or treasure me like how he does. No one had ever made me felt like I meant almost everything to them, like he does. Neither did anyone ever spend so much effort just to do alil something for me, as a present..

THANK YOU SOOOO MUCH FOR THIS PRESENT, FOR OUR 1ST MONTHIVERSARY BABY!

As we head towards our 2nd Monthiversary and so on, I'll like to dedicate this song to you. It't almost similar to how I feel about knowing you right from the start till now, having endless dreams(or rather nightmares that you didn't like/love me) about you, how I feel about being with you..

I LOVE YOU, MY PIN!!!

i've moved on..♥

2011-08-01T16:35:00.005+08:00

Time flies, when i'm with him..

No one, including us, had ever thought we would end up together.

We met at Zouk last year, November. He caught my attention, however, we never once spoke to each other till 2months later, after i left Zouk.

Our first time meeting up, was on his birthday, 23May 2011. It was a last minute thing like "hey, im free from this time to this time! deal? deal!"

From strangers, to ex-colleagues, friends, lovers..

And now, we're together!

Our first trip to USS!!!

Usual night out lepak at Sentosa's Siloso Beach! :)

I LOVE YOU TRUCKLOADS!!! ♥